So I'm not talking about a day out with the girls, or a nice pedicure, or even going out to dinner with Rusty. I'm saying I finally had a good day with Bridger, after several bad, Bad, BAD days with my little man. This week has been one of those weeks that makes me ask myself several questions...whether or not I am a good mom...if I can ever handle more than one child...will I make it through this day...what am I doing wrong...should I go back to work...on and on and on. This morning I can report that Bridger has had no melt downs, there have been no spankings, and no tears shed (by either of us). We did laundry together, made the world's best chocolate chip cookies, read books, changed out toys, read more books, had snack, and went down for nap with little troubles. This is a complete change from earlier this week, let me explain.
Yesterday Bridger wakes up at 5:50am. He is ready to play and wants me out of bed. I lay around until 6:20am when I can longer stand him jumping on me, hitting me, and asking for pancakes. We have breakfast and by 7:10 Bridger is asking to watch a movie. I quickly remind him that it's too early to watch a movie, he can watch one when I get in the shower.
Bridger: NOOOOOOOOO! WATCH A MOVIE!!!!
Me: Bridger, please don't yell, you can watch a movie when I get in the shower, let's read some books.
Bridger: AHHHHHHH!!! (Throwing toys at the wall, hitting himself, screaming/running through the house, hitting the blinds, kicking, etc.)
Me: Bridger, STOP IT!!
Bridger: AHHHHHHH!!! (More running and screaming)
Me: I grab Bridger spank his bum, put him in his bed, and close the door. I go into my room and cry.
Now this isn't my proudest post, but it gives you a glimpse into my 2-year old world. I know we've all been through it, but by Thursday I was wondering if it was ever going to end. I guess there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and maybe one good day out of 5 is going to have to be good enough. So yes, I am a good mother (maybe not compared to some of you super moms), yes, I can handle more than 1 child, yes, I will make it through this day, I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but I'll keep trying, and no, I don't want to go back to work. So there you have it, today was just what I needed so I can make it through this roller coaster ride we call MOTHERHOOD.
14 comments:
It is still so amazing to me how many emotions I go through each and every day as a mom. But in the end, those sweet, sleeping children is what it's all about. They drive us crazy, make us want to go back to work, or even run away (Alex tells me a couple times a day to go away, but I just can't bring myself to do it, no matter how good it seems at the moment!) but that doesn't get us anywhere, and by not being home with them, we wouldn't be able to enjoy the sweetness that does come, even if it's ONLY when they're asleep! I wish I could tell you it will get better soon, but 10 months difference in age just isn't enough...I still have to count the good in minutes. The one thing that seems to help me is to go in Alex's room and see his name on the wall with "Child of God" underneath...because no matter how crazy they make us, they are children of our Heavenly Father, and He has entrusted these little spirits with us and He knows we can handle these little spirits!
Love,
Kristin
Oh Anne, I love you! You are a great mom....every mom has days like this. I'm so glad he napped for you FINALLY! I'm dreading this stage and I will have two probably going through it at the same time. We do need another girls movie night soon.
Didn't you feel a little more prepared before you had B? I know I did, with a full two semesters of behavioral intervention. I know sometimes I feel like I can handle a class of students with disabilities better than my two little children. I definitely thought I had more patience. Just in case you forgot, you're not alone. My kids are naughty too sometimes and other times perfect angels. Two is rough, three for my B was even more rough and now for the most part he's great. Love ya, Anne. I know you're a great mom, because you are such a great person.
Anne, I think there must be something in the air lately. I have read so many, and posted my own, blogs about feeling like a bad mom! The thing that helped me the most was one friend said, "If you're stressing so much about how to make it better, and worrying if you are a good mom", THEN YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. Someone who doesn't care about how to make it better, isn't being a good mom. We know we get these babies for such a short time, and then they're adults! We worry, at least I do, that we won't figure out how to be a good mom, until its too late. B is such a sweet boy, and he is TWO and a BOY! He knows you love him, he's just testing boundaries. I've loved getting this glimps into your world. Thanks for sharing!
What are you talking about...you ARE supermom! He is so lucky to have you as his mama. It's a good thing they give us a break every once in a while! It's like they know we're close to the edge...
Anne, you are a great mother and a wonderful example to me. I have appreciated that you will be open about your frustrations with Motherhood from time to time-- mostly because it helps me realize that I am not so different and it doesn't make me a "bad" mom to be honest about these feelings! I really think you are a great Mom :)
Michelle
I am in tears just reading this. First, I can totally relate. Second, yes, you are an amazing mother. Mothering is hard....so hard. I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
oh anne. these are the kind of day's good mothers have. you feel bad because you care. if you didn't care, you wouldn't feel bad. and i think one good day in 5 is perfectly respectable! that's a better ratio than i've got!
I loved this post. You are a Super Mom, don't ever doubt that! Kids just know how to push all of our buttons. I know I've been struggling with my little guy for months now and I just have had to be happy when we have good "hours" now, I'm not sure we have days at this stage, but I'll take anything I can get:) I think it's just the ups and downs of being a Mom. In the end it will be worth it, that I'm convinced of. Anything in between- well, that's a crap shoot!
I also loved this post. So real and so what many can identify with. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. But nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy. Kids have such different stages. And it seems so insane while your in the thick of it and then you turn around and they're onto something new and you can't remember how horrible they were a week ago. You are a wonderful mother and deserve all the credit in the world for all you are doing for that sweet boy. I sure hope someday you can have another child. Our planet needs kids as cute as Bridger!
Well unfortunately I too can relate. This is one of the most difficult yet rewarding jobs ever. I could never count how many times a day I doubt myself. Brax is going through a funk right now and I hope it gets worked out soon. But one of the best things was one day Brax and I were going at it and I just had to leave the room. I went up in my closet and started crying. Brax came up and I told him I was sorry I was such a bad mom. He came over, gave me a big hug and said " I love you Mommy, even if you make mistakes." That meant the world to me. Just count the good days and learn from the bad. You are a great Mom and I aspire to be more like you.
hey anne...let me tell you, it does get better. it won't be right now, or next week, but it does get better. now that dallin is 3 he has more good days than bad, and he can communicate a whole lot better which makes a big difference! i don't know when bridger usually gets up, but dallin wakes up, well wakes ME up at 6:30am every morning...so i empathize with you there...and the kicking,screaming, throwing toys thing too:)! it takes a certain number of hours of sleep too for me to deal with him everyday. so good luck....take naps and don't forget to take naps!!!
Amen to your post! I have a two year old named Brianna. I question my actions as a mom all the time. I think we all just try to do our best and relish the moments that are good.
I am so happy I found your blog from Kim. You have a cute family. Sometimes I miss those married student college days in our old ward.
thanks for being real anne, its good to know that even the sweetest person I've ever met can get fed up too. When my kids are finally asleep and I go check on them and they look so angelic, i wonder what my problem was. one day at a time, rather one minute at a time. right?
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